Friday, June 23, 2017

My birth story

Let me just start by saying pregnancy was the hardest thing I've ever done.
It wasn't a troublesome pregnancy, no complications. But I've always had an issue with patience. Not to mention, since the day I found out I was pregnant, I didn't feel quite like myself. Hormones, the mood swings, the body changes, the incredible difficulties I was going through in my personal life, family drama, and the huge strain/tension it put on me and Nathan.

The ups and downs were extreme to say the least. It all it hit me that I was now responsible for this little human that completely depended on me for everything. He was pure, innocent, unknowing. It was terrifying. I can't tell you how many times I broke down in fear of not being good enough for him.

I remember feeling him move and feeling like it wasn't even real. How could I, such a mess, have something so beautiful in me.

At about 8 months, it REALLY set in. I started to become more excited, nervous, anxious, and just a big ball of nerves.

I hit my due date, June 8, still no baby! I was incredibly ready to meet him and I can't explain the feeling! I wanted to run circles and distract myself every possible way, but I couldn't because I was just too excited.

I was literally PRAYING for contractions.

Finally Tuesday morning around 2:45, I started having contractions! I literally jumped out of bed and started timing them. At that point they were about 10-15 minutes apart. I couldn't sleep and was hoping it was going to progress quickly, so I did my hair and makeup and then just sat there praying this was the day. I happened to have a doctors appointment that morning and I kept telling myself, "They are going to keep you and you're going to have a baby today!"
We get to the doctor appointment, all full of excitement and an overdue baby, and the doc tells me I'm only 2 centimeters. My heart DROPPED. I heard it hit the floor.
The rest of the day I just moped around and tried to sleep but couldn't as the contractions were waking me up. That night I went to my moms to watch my little sisters. I started having contractions 3-5 minutes apart at this point but they still weren't painful. With them being so close together we all thought for sure any minute my water was going to break, so my mom decided we should go ahead and head to the hospital.

Once we got to the hospital, got checked in, got my gown seemed like it was really about to happen. My nurse checks me, still only 2 centimeters. I know it wasn't her fault but I could have slapped her. We stayed and walked the halls for about an hour trying to get things going, but still nothing. So, they sent us home.

At this point I was convinced my baby was never coming out. I was going to be one of those believe it or not stories. Ugh.

Didn't sleep at all Tuesday night. Wednesday rolled around and all day I was dancing, bouncing, drinking raspberry tea, EVERYTHING to try to let my body know it's time. The contractions started to get super intense and painful around 4 p.m. I had a little breakdown and just cried because it was all too overwhelming. I told Nathan to come and my mom to come get me and we all headed BACK to the hospital. I was determined NO MATTER WHAT to have my baby! I was going to refuse to leave the hospital if they tried to send me home.

After we arrive, get checked in, my gown on, everything all over again...the nurse checks me and I swear she looked like an angel when she said, "You're 4.5 centimeters!" She told me they were going to keep me and just let it happen. THIS WAS FINALLY IT!
My contractions didn't start getting too painful until around midnight, which, at that point, I was 7 centimeters. Around 2:30-3 a.m. we got everyone except my mom and Nathan to leave (overstimulating with everyone watching you squirm in pain).

4 a.m. my nurse asks if I still want natural or if I want the epidural, I honestly didn't know how to form thoughts at that point, I was so tired. I went ahead and signed for the epidural, just in case.
4:30 a.m. my doctor came in to finish breaking my water (it hadn't completely broken on its own), and not a minute after, THE WORST PAIN I'VE EVER FELT. Satan was trying to drag me to hell. I immediately got on all fours and just tried to go with them, as they got more painful, I couldn't help but cry out. I kept saying, "I can't do this! I need to push!" My body was telling me it was time but they kept telling me don't push! But when the nurse checked me, I was at 10 centimeters. I remember her saying, "Okay, practice pushes." Hell no, I was ready to meet him. I pushed and pushed like the little engine that could!

Most of it is a blur, just crying, sweat, the little moments in between contractions when I looked into Nathans eyes for reassurance that I could do this.
When the doctor came in, that's when I felt my babies head. I could feel him moving! It was the weirdest thing. Little baby wasn't wanting to meet the world yet, so they had to do an episiotomy. I could feel it, but it was nothing compared to everything else, so I just kept pushing. I felt a huge amount of pressure and everyone yelled, "COME ON, THIS IS IT, YOU GOT THIS, PUSH!!!!" Out comes his head! I couldn't see it but I could feel a slight relief until his shoulders. Holy, his shoulders...I think I blacked out for a minute, met Jesus, ate a heaven cookie, and then came back to my body. After his shoulders, easy peasy! I saw the doctor pull him up and IMMEDIATELY was overcome with absolute joy! I just cried! I remember saying, "Oh my God, thank you! My baby! my baby!!!"
I can not describe this feeling. It was the most empowering, beautiful moments of my life. Even the pain, I want to relive it!! It was amazing. And my little baby was so perfect, I couldn't believe he was so perfect and he was all mine! He was extraordinary!

The next thing I remember is them putting me in a wheelchair and taking us to our room. I just looked at him in awe, smelled him, cuddled him, and I haven't stopped since.

I remember saying I didn't want anymore kids while I was pregnant. Let me tell you, I would do that a million times if I had to....just to meet my little baby. EVERY tear, drop of sweat, mood swing, moment I thought I couldn't, every second was worth it times 10!

The fact that it took me 7 hours to finish this goes to show that babies are a LOT of work. Worth it!

I was blessed to have such a beautiful labor and delivery story, I hope all the soon-to-be mommas have one as well! :)
Happy adulting!