Sunday, May 22, 2016

Everything has changed

Change is a part of life, it's a part of us. We sometimes embrace it and we sometimes run from it.
And it's scary, hard, painful, exciting, riveting, can give you chills and it can bring you to tears in a second.

My life has changed so drastically that I don't even remember the way I was before. What was I feeling a year ago today? What was the one defining moment that brought me here?
Truthfully, I worry. Change scares the hell out of me and sometimes I'd rather cry than pretend to act like I'm okay with things being different than what I'm used to.

In the past year, I've learned how strong I am though. I've learned that I can take big leaps and do things that I didn't think I was capable of...some good and some bad. I've learned that I have a limit, a breaking point, and sometimes I come to that point and don't even realize it until the tears have rolled down my cheek and onto my pillow.

I think we are afraid to seem vulnerable. I mean, if I met you today and we sat down and had a conversation, I wouldn't tell you these things. I would probably ask you about where you're from and what you do for a living. Instead of asking real questions, like, are you really living at all? But we should be okay with being a little vulnerable. If we would stop hiding ourselves, our true selves, we might find a little comfort in the fact that we are all fighting the same battle. Might even find out we fight well together.

That's the point of this, I guess. This is my open letter to everyone. My thoughts and feelings. And my hope is that maybe someone can read this and relate somehow and know that they are not the only one feeling a little uncertain of their future. Or a little down about the past. Maybe a little tired in the moment...tired of feeling tired. And maybe we are tired because we stay awake because we know that when we wake up, we might be a little different, and life might take a turn, and we might not have any direction for our next step.

I can see myself standing on a mountain, alone, no one around, just myself and the sunrise. Maybe 30 or 40, and I'm looking back on my life and all the changes and everything that I was afraid of...and I smile because...I'm here. I'm in one piece. I'm standing there breathing in my entire life and all the decisions I have made. And I realize, that all along, I was okay.

Just because you don't know what you're going to do, and just because you made a bad decision, or just because you don't feel yourself, or okay right just keep in mind, that you are a tiny little human and the entire world can't really fit on your shoulders anyway. You can let it go. You deserve to be happy.

Let the changes take place, get some sleep and when you wake just might feel a little better, a little stronger, and a little more okay.

Pick up your head and see the sunrise, today just might surprise you.